Those first times…

twins 2

The first year is always the hardest. All the dates start to pop up that were so special last year. The day we found out we were having a baby. I recall so clearly the day, time and place. Then there was the day we found out it was twins. That was a year ago today.  I was 6 weeks pregnant and I remember it so well. There was the serious look of concentration from the doctor and lots of focus on the screen and then she looked at us and said “everything is going along well, the egg has split and it is twins.” I just started laughing. I think it was a nervous holy shit laugh. Hubby sat in silence and the few words he uttered to me over the next 24 hours were ‘f*#king  twins’ (The photo above was the first picture of them together).

I also recall vividly the first visit to the obstetrician. Hubby still laughs about that. After the initial chat she said she would have a look at the twins and I progressed to take off my pants. She laughed and said “I can tell who the IVF patients are, use to the internal scan- I just look via the stomach”. Hubby shook his head and said I’ll take off my pants for anyone. But if you are reading this and have gone through the IVF process, you are probably nodding your head.

Soon there will be the first Mother’s Day. A day that was always hard without my mum, nan or grandma being alive anymore, so I had longed for the day of being a mother myself and starting to acknowledge that day again.

It won’t be long until it is June and it will be the first anniversary since our boys were born sleeping. That will be the hardest first. Hopefully on this day, hubby and I can finally decide on a place for their ashes and take them to scatter. Something we have avoided for the last 10 months and as I type this and look over my shoulder, I see them still sitting on the table behind me.

As these dates go by there is short moment of wondering what it would be like now with the boys. They would be 6 months old and life would probably be absolutely crazy! This year I have tried not to spend too much time thinking of what/who I don’t have and to be grateful for what I do have. That being, a wonderful and most caring husband (who annoys the absolute shit out of me at times but would do anything for me and is amazing), some supportive and loyal friends, and then there is my awesome family, including my niece and nephew who I have so much love for and adore.

So for now I will make it through the first year and all the firsts about the twins and hopefully soon will have the joys of new firsts to experience with a new pregnancy and baby.


The 12 week ultrasound of the twins.

More baby talk here.